Archive for April, 2010

Immanuel

Read this and was encouraged today.  Lord, that you would hem me in on all sides and remind of your ever continual presence.

If you are troubled by some persistent failing, by some entrenched sin, don’t run away from Jesus. Instead express your sorrow and ask for his forgiveness- and then receive it. After that try this famous fourth-century prayer known as St. Patrick’s Breastplate:

Christ be beside be, Christ be before me,

Christ be behind me, King of my heart;

Christ be within me, Christ be below me,

Christ be above me, Never to part.

Christ on my right hand, Christ on my left hand,

Christ all around me, shield in the strife;

Christ in my sleeping, Christ in my sitting,

Christ in my rising, light of my life.

Christ be beside me, Christ be before me,

Christ be behind me, King of my heart.

Christ be within me, Christ be below me,

Christ be above me, never to part.

working on being thankful…

today i am thankful i didn’t get punched in the latest big fight between two of my students and that neither one of them was hurt badly.

today i am thankful for a good friend who is willing to listen whenever, even if i didn’t need her to listen today.

today i am thankful for Jesus!

today i am thankful for a future that the Lord holds in His hands even when i feel sooo out of control.

today i am thankful for coupons and grocery stores.

today i am thankful for good memories and the promise of more to come that help keep me going.

today i am thankful for prayer.

The promise of 27

In 27 (long) days  of school, I will forever be done with what has been one of the most draining, exhausting, hardest experience of my life. I am sooo thrilled by that thought, but yet I cry as I think about it…

I have failed this semester. I have failed to love my kids as Christ would love them. I have failed to reach every student. I have failed to push my bright students as much as they need pushed, and I have failed to help every low student who needs an extra hand up.

I have had two kids expelled, one put on homebound, and watched one expelled kid come back (long story and unethical business is involved).

I have been flipped off, cursed at, yelled at, told how to run my room by my students, threatened, pushed to the limits and some days honestly afraid I would hurt a child if I didn’t care about keeping my license and them.

I have worked with LOTS of inconsistencies that impact both myself and my students. I have been reminded time and time again that Satan is very present in our world right now (oh, for the day he burns in hell).

Yet I can’t help but question what I could have done differently. What could I have done to change what I am so frustrated by? Right now, I honestly don’t know.

Half of my students or more are probably going to end up in the same level of poverty as their parents because they don’t care about their education. Probably 3-4 of my girls (at least) are going to end up pregnant before they would graduate high school. It is likely that not even half will graduate from high school.

One of my students is already in the throes of a gang, yet others will follow.

I can do nothing… it is soooo hard. This job has drained me in ways I can’t even fathom or comprehend yet. I wish I knew how to express what I feel, but I don’t even know other than empty, beat down, and discouraged.

Yet, we serve a sovereign Lord who knew I would be in this place, who knew how much I would hate who I have become in this job.

I cry for no other reason than the pain and depravity that is shown by these kids and hidden at home where they live. I cry because I have failed. I cry because I am so confused as to what the future holds. I cry because I have a sovereign God who led me to this situation (for my good and His glory), yet I have NO idea why and some days am just a bit frustrated by that… I cry because I’m afraid my kids will not remember me as a teacher who cared, but as a teacher who was constantly nagging them to follow directions, be respectful, and remember they aren’t ‘grown’…

I cry over the promise of June 1, 1:30 p.m.

Boldly decisive…

“It’s better to be boldly decisive and risk being wrong than to agonize at length and be right too late.”

A good friend sent this quote my way this week and it has been a timely one as I’ve had to make lots of decisions and still have several to make.  I need to stop agonizing and just be bold. Life will still work out even if a ‘mistake’ is made. God is always sovereign.

To God be the glory

Today, I am thankful for:

a dark room to sleep in last night

sleeping in

Kimmi’s hugs

a walk in the woods

AMAZING sunny weather!

words of kindness

decisions made

movie with the girls!! 🙂

texts from kels

Subway 2 days in a row

an amazing retreat from life

sitting on the back deck praying, singing, and listening

being home with the fam

great shepherds at church

clarity and confirmation on decisions made

old hymns


Great things He has taught us, great things He has done,
And great our rejoicing through Jesus the Son;
But purer, and higher, and greater will be
Our wonder, our transport, when Jesus we see.