Archive for January, 2008

Waiting on the Lord…

ever been in a place of waiting on the Lord? it can hurt, right? I find myself in a place of being completely unsure as to what the Lord is doing and wanting so much to see His purpose, wanting so much to receive His direction. Yet, these lyrics have become such a HUGE encouragement to me. It’s where I find myself in life right now. I don’t want to be immobile just because I’m waiting. I still need to be actively waiting, actively serving, actively seeking to glorify my Lord… So, in this time of waiting I am claiming this song.


rough outline of lyrics

While I’m Waiting
Psalm 5:3, 27:14, 33:20, 37:7, 38:15, 40:1, Isaiah  30:18, Lamentations 3:24
John Waller

“The explanation for this song is simple, I was waiting on God and I was hurting when I wrote the lyrics. I probably wouldn’t have written
a song if my friend, Mike, hadn’t encouraged me to document what I was going through during that time. I’m sure there are few people
who can’t relate to this song, but the important thing to remember while we’re waiting on God is to not just wait but to actively wait.
Serve, worship and be faithful with what you have, where you are… “even while (you) wait.”

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it’s not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord

encouragement reigns over discouragement…

So, today I decided I just had to go to church. It had been 4 Sundays since I had seen my church body and been able to fellowship and worship with them. It was soo good to be back. I almost felt like I was on overload. One thing this mono does to me is kinda make me ‘scrambly’ in the mornings… I feel like carrying on conversation takes twice as much effort in the morning than it does in the afternoon… it’s weird. So, I really felt like I was just taking everything in and was an observer, but it was so good to talk a bit with people even though I feel like I was no great conversationalist at all…

I overdid it today, but it felt sooo good to be with my church family again. Sara made me sit at one point during the Scripture reading because I felt like I was going to pass out, and I noticed I actually could have dozed off regardless of how very sweet the sermon was. Seriously, it was such an encouragement to my soul. Listening to podcasts and reading is good, but a ‘live’ sermon from a shepherd of the flock is even better.

I admit though I came home discouraged amidst the encouragement. I keep expecting to just feel completely better. I had no idea I was going to have overdone it so much today just from going to church. I am used to having a cold or the flu and when you’re over it, you’re over it. I’m discovering this mono thing isn’t going to work like that… and for an impatient like me that is rough. I’ve already figured one thing the Lord must want to do through this is grow me in patience because honestly I’m impatient with my own progress, with not being able to hang out with friends, having to say no to service opportunities, and knowing that classes start Tuesday and I’m going to want to snooze as I sit there 9-4:30… When there is physical stuff going on within the body it seems there is often much more, at least in my life. This season finds me clinging to my Lord because I’m not sure what’s He up to or where He’s leading me in the now or in the future…

I hadn’t even thought of taking the semester off. The idea just had not entered my head at all. Someone at church today seemed surprised that I was going to go ahead with classes. So, on the way home I was really questioning whether taking classes and student teaching this semester is my plan or the Lord’s. I came to the conclusion that while I stubbornly want to take classes this semester and student teach so that I can graduate in December (of this year!!!) and not any later than I already am, that I also think this is what the Lord is leading me to as well. He’s humbling me and breaking me in this process of mono. Showing me myriads of ways I don’t trust Him, fail to serve Him, and just all-out sin. While this mono has helped taken away any excitement I have for student teaching and is causing almost a sense of dread, I do know that this place I find myself in, is one that is going to have me relying on my Lord more than I would have prior to this break… and for that I need to be thankful. For that, I need to be encouraged and if I’m honest, amidst the discouragement, encouragement reigns.

So, as I drive myself to class on Tuesday morning I will be going knowing that I may not wake up feeling miraculously better that morning, but that I am thankful for so much the Lord has done through this…  I’m thankful this happened over break, so I could put the worst behind me. I’m thankful that I co-student teach this semester so the load is a bit lightened in comparison with next. I’m thankful the Lord has realigned my vision. I’m thankful for His grace. I’m thankful for His strength when I have none. I’m thankful that when I feel all alone, I have my Lord and I need only Him. I’m thankful for a body that though worn out is still working. I’m thankful that’s He teaching me patience even though it’s hard. I’m thankful that in not having a ‘quick recovery’ I am being taught even more. I’m thankful that He’s graciously teaching me how to be thankful again. I’m thankful for a church body that is encouraging. I’m thankful that even though I don’t understand why He’s pulling some things away during this time, that He is sovereign and He knows. I’m thankful that He has me in a place of complete dependence on Him. I’m thankful that because of that this semester should be an adventure. I’m thankful that because of His grace He can bring himself glory through me if I live to bring Him glory… so humbling.

“Reading” in the New Year

so, having mono has really helped me feel like i have accomplished nothing. nothing that is except for lots of sleeping, rest, movie watching, reading, and way too much time online, facebook and blogs get addictive…. but in the midst of that has come some good…

i used to love to read. correction- i used to love fiction. as a child and even up until about 3 or 4 years ago that was how i chose to spend much of my free time. now, i’m much pickier. i don’t enjoy every same-as-before Christian novel that always has to have romance in it… (in fact, i rarely ever read fiction, unless it’s kid’s books and that’s another topic for another day). so, what was left to do but learn to love non-fiction, specifically Christian non-fiction…

i think a lot of this came about as a result of my true conversion as well, but for whatever reason i am so glad that i’ve had the opportunity to read many of the books i have. they have changed me and shaped my beliefs. challenged and exhorted me. while i don’t finish them as quickly as the fiction books, they give me more to mull over and really have more of a benefit… they’re more of an investment as the change, exhortation, and results in reading these books matter much more for eternity than reading a ‘fluffy’ fiction book does.

so, during this break and time of mono i sat down to read a new book on evangelism by mark dever that i had just ordered. but i happened to go to my bookshelf at some point in this… and i counted how many unread books i have on it… some are a year old, some a few months, others more. a couple are from project which has now been 2.5 years ago… crazy… so, i counted these books… and i found out i have about 13 that i really want to read and 2 i am considering… all that to say that this gave me a rather crazy idea. why not try to read one book a month this year? now, i know to some that sounds crazy and it definitely depends on the length of the read, but on an average i would like to be able to read about one a month. (this way i could have an ‘excuse’ to buy some i desperately want to read later on in the year).

in reading a book a month, i’d have a lot to gain. i’d hopefully be stronger spiritually and also more able and equipped to share my knowledge and learnings with others. and so i recognize with reading these books comes a sort of responsibility. it’s like listening to a sermon. if you sit under numerous sermons filled with biblical truth, you are held accountable for what you do with what you have heard.

these books are much like that… if they are truly biblical books then i am held accountable with what i do with what i read. do i learn more about my Lord? do i take to heart any rebuke? do i instigate any needed changes recommended in the pages? do i pray over what i have read, asking the Lord to show me what He would have for me in reading a particular book? do i use what i have read to encourage/exhort the body? and there are numerous other ways i could be held accountable.

so, as the new year starts, i’m off to go work on my book for this month (actually i’m working on two this month… hell’s best kept secret by ray comfort and the rest of God by mark buchanan). i’ll let you know how it goes. i know and trust comfort’s material, but i’m unfamiliar with buchanan and am interested to see what i find… so, i think i may just go read right now…