Archive for November, 2007

To the King

This was one of my all time favorite songs a few years back… the radio stopped playing it and I forgot it existed… I heard it again not that long ago and had to hunt it down…

To the King by Matthew Ward
To the King, who gave everything for me,
whose body crucified, high on Calvary’s tree,
whose redemptive blood makes way for me,
I now give everything.

To the King alone I will give my life.
To the King I will sing both day and night.
To the Lamb of God who has paid the price,
to the King alone I will give my life.
To the King, who came in the form of a child,
all powerful God, and yet so mild,
whose obedience shows the way for me,
I humbly come to Thee.
To the King alone I will give my life.
To the King I will sing both day and night.
To the Lamb of God who has paid the price,
to the King alone I will give my life.
To the King, the One true royalty,
though King He has befriended me,
but greater still, He lives in me,
I give Him everything.

To the King alone I will give my life.
To the King I will sing both day and night.
To the Lamb of God who has paid the price,
to the King alone I will give my life.

To the King alone I will give my life.
To the King I will sing both day and night.
To the Lamb of God who has paid the price,
to the King alone I will give my life.

To the King alone… I will give my life

I was struck today as I had the radio on and was driving to campus with the most surreal feeling. It hit me how much I have been giving in to sin lately for the sake of deciding I want it and don’t want to deny myself. There was a period in my life when I really quite angrily and rebelliously told the Lord that sin was better than Him and I simply didn’t care what He wanted. I was in effect telling Him I knew what He wanted, what He expected, but I wanted my sin more, which is no sign of a true believer. This consumed my life at one time.

However, lately I’ve been realizing how even when I don’t intentionally think those thoughts or meditate on sinning that every time I sin I am still in effect telling the Lord that He isn’t enough, that I simply want my sin and I don’t have the power to not sin. What a lie!! As I heard the song play I was reminded about Christ hanging on the cross. I wonder how badly He wanted to get down off of that cross and walk away. How badly He wanted to not endure any type of suffering or pain. I thought of the turmoil He must have been experiencing. It was as I saw His power in staying on that cross that my sin took on a new shape. If my Savior was willing to hang on a cross when His very flesh would have cried out against it then how much more willing in thanks do I need to be to take my cross and deny myself. I realized how much this turmoil and temptation is nothing; I still need to live in light of the cross. Yet, I often excuse or manage to explain away sin… Even now my flesh cries out… May my flesh and soul cry out for nothing more than my Savior and righteousness!

It’s almost the end of the semester and I am just about to drown in work, or so it seems. However, I know the Lord will see me through.

Unfortunately, I have been so stressed out that I’ve lost sight of what is really important. I need to cling to my Savior and recognize His sovereignty over my life. I know I will come through the semester through His power and His grace alone.

In other news I am so very encouraged by the Lord these days. I find myself in a new place of contentment. I know this too only comes from the complete provision and grace of my Lord. There have been days, months, years at a time in which I long for something more or wrestle with discontentment. Yet, I can’t explain the contentment and joy the Lord has seen fit to give me despite life not being perfect. Looking back I think a lot of started it when I was willing to surrender my control and my will to the Lord’s will for a church home. I loved College Park and am so thankful for how the body there was used in my life. Yet, being so much closer to my local church body has been so completely encouraging and I have just noticed a change of letting the Lord really work in my life and through my life at the church I now belong to.

I still wrestle with the future like no other. I am still majoring in elementary education and still question whether that is what I want to do with my life. Some days I know there is nothing for me in it and I will pursue ministry of some sort. Yet other days I wonder if this is a type of ministry God has called me to.  I no longer get so completely discouraged about it though. Sure, I hate not knowing, but I know I need to take one day at a time. There really is no other explanation for it other than God’s work and grace in my life. It happened slowly over time and I hardly noticed until a friend asked me how I really was doing. It’s so prideful to hardly stop and think about what God has done over time and then only notice when something calls my attention to it.